Cracking...

It was somewhere in the blog where i said something about a friend telling me that i'm going to snap. Now today's been one of the first signs of that happening. About time actually, because i did expect it earlier, but still better late than never.

WARNING: This post is classified as "swearful" so yeah don't be surprised with the amount of swearing that goes on here. Apologies in advance

So today i actually got up at about 7. It's the first time in a week or so that i have been up that early, but yeah it's something that i gotta adapt to again. I don't have to do it that much more but meh. Well yeah on the bus there was this kinda guy/girl/it thing. It's one of those people that you can't tell if they're male or female. In this case, it was because of its height, build and the hair. It was quite a bit taller than i was, looked more beefy than i am, but it had a ponytail, and i seriously couldn't tell if it was a chic or a guy, 'cause the face didn't help me at all to figure out if it was a male or female. So i'm just sitting on the bus and then it glances at me. Sure alright yeah everyone looks around and stuff, but then it did it a few more times, and then i was like "what the fuck???" It was sitting a few rows in front of me so yeah i couldn't go up and go "what the fuck is your problem???" From just what i saw, i think it was a guy, but yeah that ponytail looked fucking gay. It wasn't a good sight...

Normally i wouldn't mind something like that, unless they keep doing it over and over again. That's my tolerance - i can somehow manage my anger and curiosity to find out what the fuck someone wants. There's another example of this happening in both my stat and accounting classes. In the stat class, there's another one of it kinda types there. The difference is that the it on my bus looked korean, but this it in my stat class is a mainlander. So therefore, it's harder to know if it's a male or female. I'm guessing it's a female but yeah only if i had pics to show to people...

In my accounting class, it's the other part of the it today. What i mean is that whenever Thanda and I are in the class, somehow there's this 1 guy who ALWAYS keeps looking in our direction. He also turns just to look at us for some reason. I'm lucky my tolerance has kept me from asking "what the fuck do you want?" Thanda, Kim, Geoff and i bumped into him and a few of his friends once and yeah he still kept looking at us. Seriously, i wanna know what the fuck he wants. It's just really, really strange for someone to keep doing it week, after week, after week. It's not normal.

But yeah well anyway, that was the bus and then into the qma class where i seriously was cracking. Just to list what happened with the fuckers:

1) The group of 5 - became 6 with some new dude. One of them sat next to me since he was late so that was alright. The 3 main talkers kept talking and the new dude also joined in. They were pretty loud, but not as loud as someone else that i'll say later. After 9 weeks, including the lecturer telling them to shut up, they still haven't learnt their lesson. I've made an enemy there so i really don't want to go up and say "shut the fuck up" to them. It's not worth my time.

2) The group of 3 fobby people - no longer exists so yeah that's a really good thing for me. About the first fucking time that they're not sitting next to each other.

3) The group of 2 local chix - were silent during the first half of the lecture, but made some noise later on in the second half. Still haven't learnt their lesson either. They sit on the other side of the lecture hall, so yet again i can't crack at them.

4) The group of 2 fobby chix - were also silent during the first half and also made some noise in the second half. Made more fucking noise during the tutorial. Sure they might have alright faces, but seriously won't shut the fucking hell up.

For once, all of them were NOT the worst. The worst was someone that doesn't come around often. There's a friend of mine in that lecture, and sometime one of his friends comes into the lecture and tutorial. Last time he did, those two didn't stop talking and stuff, but since they weren't close-by it was alright, but yeah still quite loud. He's one of those people who don't have the capacity to whisper so yeah the whole fucking room and hear his voice. It was loud enough for me to hear him and not the lecturer, that's just fucking stupid to talk then. It's just like one of the 6 fuckers, but alot worse in terms of volume. So yeah he's in, and for the whole fucking lecture, he wouldn't fucking stop talking. I'm surprised i was able to tolerate 2 hours of his fucking chatter. It got to the stage where i had to stop my learning and say to him:

"Excuse me, would you keep it down or shut the fuck up? Thanks"

He got out some paper and just scribbled stuff on it so it looked like he was doing work and stuff, but yeah i'm pretty sure that even the lecturer heard his fucking voice. I'm so fucking pissed at him, i mean sure he's one of my friend's friends, but seriously, can you talk outside of the lecture and not inside when people are trying to fucking learn? Sure he's one my friend's friends, but still, what's the point of turning up to a lecture when all you're going to do it talk and talk and talk? It's so fucking pointless of talking about something pointless. Fucking stupid and it makes me so fucking pissed that i seriously want to fucking chop him. I didn't get as pissed when i couldn't learn properly, but it's different when i've tolerated 2 hours of it...so fucking stupid...

I know that some people have done this and all (sorry Bobo, but at least you know you were wrong, so i respect that) but yeah i'm trying my best to tolerate it. It really is getting to me alot. I mean i can take people whispering from time to time and stuff, just to make like passing comments or trying to help people understand stuff, but apart from that, talking about other stuff other than what's going on in the lecture, that's not on. I mean i don't say i don't do that, but i've cut that down alot so that it's almost gone. I'm just really fucking pissed that people can't seem to understand that lectures are for learning. I mean it's different from high school in that it takes quite a while to catch-up. If you're not going to the lecture to learn, then you're really wasting your own time and everyone else at the same time with your interruptions. It gets me so fucking pissed because i really want to do well at uni and i know i can't do it just by doing the hard yards, i need the lecturer and tutor to help us out. I guess it's because of my situation that make me really fucking pissed at people who don't listen.

I guess that's kinda why i don't really like many people in our segregated area for learning. I mean all of us are paying the same amount, or close to it if you're an international student, but some people still don't get it why you're there. I mean if you had the money and the marks, you'd go into the proper uni and do proper stuff. I was just stubborn and wanted to do what i'm doing. I guess i could have made it into the uni proper for some courses. But i guess that's what's driving me as well, since i know why i stuffed up and i'm trying to make up for what i did wrong.

But yeah after that, on the way home talked with Sophie just to catch-up. It's like a weekly thing that we do. It's really good that we do and all, it's like my only highlight of the whole day really. When i got home, called Thanda to talk about the fucking assignment. I mean it's really killing me with what's happening. There's 2 questions that no-one gets. I mean if they're talked about it in the lecture then alright, it should be in the assignment. Thing is, we've all gone through the textbook and the lecture notes and it's not there at all.

That's just fucking gay seriously. How fucked up is that when you don't know what the question is trying to get you to do since you haven't learnt it yet? That's another thing that's i'm pretty pissed about. So fucking stupid.

Called Kev to talk about some stuff and yeah he's pretty damn busy now so yeah good luck bro!!!

Tomorrow, handing in assignment and also etiquette lecturer.

Too fucking pissed to be thinking about anything right now. It's just been one fucking shit day. I mean it could have been hell, but it's bad enough. I can definitely say i'm losing it now. I've been trying for the past 4 years to stop my swearing and look at me now...can't stop fucking swearing...

EDIT: Yeah i told you all that a new layout was coming, and now it's here! So yeah hopefully it's a little easier to read the blog itself, and there's a few new things on the page as well, go have a look! I'm already planning for the next change if it happens. Need to add a few more things on top of what i've done already.